In early June, I spent a week in Utah. The constant sunshine and dry heat were incredible, and were exactly what I could have hoped for after a soggy spring spent crawling through fir thickets. Salt Lake City itself was a tangle of suburbia, a land of wide highways and SUVs, a town with an unmatchable view. And there were plenty of Mormons, too. As converted Mormon Arthur ‘Killer’ Kane, New York Dolls bassist, states in his heartwrenching biopic, “I may be a dreamer…. but the dream has come true.”
And for that one week earlier this month, I felt exactly the same way.
Just look at that morning sunshine. THERE WERE NO BUGS! I can’t even begin to express my amazement at sleeping on bare ground, and waking up peacefully under the shade of a lodgepole pine without a single bug biting my neck. Sheer bliss.
We were in town for a wedding. If you are plan-ning on wed-ding and you live near SLC, check out Louland Falls. It’s secreted away in a canyon en route to Park City, and it’s absolutely gorgeous, as you can see in the following photo.
We found this gleeful dude lording over downtown Salt Lake. He seemed to be rubbing it in our collective face that we, foolish hick folk from tiny town Maine, had dared imagine we could walk into the sushi restaurant in town and expect to be seated immediately.
He is raising his arms in mock-victory following our foolish hick town folk declaration that no thank you, we will not wait 1 hour for a life-changing dining experience, because goodness sheesh it’s after 8 pm already doncha know.
He clasps the hands of a forgettable somebody [not pictured] to signify the regrettable dive bar / sushi restaurant hybrid that we ended up eating at.
Ordering hot tea has never been so hard.
Things to do while in Salt Lake City, Utah:
– Eat Owyhee’s Idaho Spuds and fry sauce (preferably not at the same time)
– Get outdoors, dummy
– Attempt five minutes on the trampolines at The wAIRhouse Trampoline Park before needing a break. Bonus points if you are over 12.
– Visit Temple Square – home to the recognizable Salt Lake LDS Temple, the Tabernacle, Assembly Hall, et al. – in the evening, and see if the guards lock you in at closing time. We narrowly escaped. Sample the water from their fountains if you feel like drinking the Kool-Aid. I narrowly escaped that too.
– Try to trick yourself into losing sight of the mountains while in town
– Schedule your bachelorette party for a Sunday night in Park City if you’d like to have the town pretty much to yourself
– Enjoy the dry heat that allows you to brush your hair without it turning into a white girl afro
– Observe the flock of well-dressed young Mormons at the SLC airport. Admire the dress/skirt-sweater combo favored by the females. Wonder why they’re all making calls on pay phones, and which time zones they must be calling to make midnight telephoning acceptable. Subsequently wonder if any other airports still have this many pay phones. Make a note to check when you reach your next destination.
Oh yeah, and remember to buy yourself a cowboy hat at C-A-L Ranch.